Cheap cars

These are the most luxurious cheap cars you can buy today

A white Lexus ES sedan parked on a road.

Photo: Lexus

“I’m going to set my mark for ‘cheap’ here at $25,000. (Let’s say you deposit $3,000 and finance $22,000. With decent credit, that means your car payment amounts to just under $400 per month at 60 months.)

“With this qualification, the most luxurious cheap car is the Lexus ES350. What? Haven’t you been thinking about a pumped-up Camry lately? Imagine for a moment that all the passion is gone from your life. You’re one step away from point where even having missionary sex once a month counts as fireworks A date night involves searching Groupon for a $30 for two, surf and turf special, and you go home to consume without ponder the CNBC late-night market watch.

“What I’m saying is it’s cheap in the sense that you’re a cheap bastard, not that you’re broke. You want something nice, but you’re not paying extra for luxury. This blurry backup camera does the job, right?Luxury should be leather and reliable for 250,000 miles.Luxury don’t talk to a Mercedes counter service advisor because your sunroof motor has burned out and gave the whole car a funny smell.

“Here it is: Marietta, Georgia camo. You place this ride on the side of your grove-style Georgia red clay brick garage in Dogwood Acres, and fire up that laptop you never seem to understand. Call your son and complain about your printer, you filthy bastard. While you’re at it, tell him he overspent on his BMW. “You know, I have all the luxuries you have, and I paid a third of the price. All that extra money could have gone into an annuity account.

“A real luxury, the clink your glass makes when the spoon stirs in Metamucil. That feeling of conscious satisfaction is just hours away.

Me, I don’t know what to say.

Suggested by: shanemorris